Not even gone yet

He's not even gone yet and I already feel that he is and I'm so alone. He can't stand to be in the same house with me let alone the same room. I'm drowning in worry and saddness from all of the regret and self loathing he's inducing. I've never disliked myself more than through his eyes now. I'm sorry my pregnancy came at the price you don't want. I'm sorry I have debt that I'm not asking you to pay. I'm sorry I'm not perfect or come from such a life but neither did you and I accepted it. I knew I was signing up to love honor and cherish you forever, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. I'm sorry you didn't hear the vows over your own heart beating. I cried tears of joy at becoming your wife when all you saw was sadness and the end of such am amazing life, instead of the beginning of one. Now I do have a new life inside of me, getting stronger every day but you hope he's not yours (regardless of my faithful and loyal heart and body only to you my husband) and you hope he doesn't come and I leave too. What the fuck happened to the man who loved me regardless of faults? What happened to the man who chose me above all others and against all others? You say I ruined your life but I gave up mine to be by your side unconditionally and happily. To go wherever you lead, no matter what your job has in store for us and no matter what station. I took in your seed and allowed it to grow within me sacrificing jobs, time, and my body for him. I'll never regret him no matter your anger or sorrow. He was made in love and holy matrimony.  He's no bastard or accident. Hate me all you want. Leave me like I fear and know deep down you will. Just know I'll never leave him and I'll never teach him to hate what he once loved so much especially over money and the responsibilities a man is dutied for, father and husband.