IVE BEEN SO BLIND!!!

Lets talk about some shit! I cannot believe I have been so blind and feeling so badly about myself the past few months, like I was being such a terrible person and hard wife to live with because I have needed to rely on my 'amazing' husband due to being completely fucked over at work because I am pregnant with our son! Well heres the truth, 
He deployed and hasnt sent any support back nor will he until our son actually arrives. 
He hasnt paid the electric bill (something that he has claimed to have done since we moved here in May and has holding over my head as a way to claim Im a 'dependa' and a mooch) BUT hasnt actually paid it EVER. So, even though its only a pro rated amount since we live on base, it has stacked up ALOT. If we were living off base, it would have been shit off already. 
I found out today from his close friends that ever since we moved here he has been belittling me and slandering me to them, claiming that I am lazy, dont clean, dont cook, am a 'dependa', dont pay for own my daughters nanny, that he has watched my daughter all the time (and has used that as a reason to get out of work and other obligations), and even tried to say that I dont know who my daughters father is.. ALL of which are complete and utter LIES! I do all the cleaning in this house, I am not lazy and up until recently was working 2 jobs to support my daughter, this house, and our animals on my own and have only stopped due to getting fucked over at work because I am pregnant with our son! He has watched my daughter, his step daughter a grand total of 4 times since we moved here (all of which were because I was working on a saturday NO WORK FOR HIM) and retained a nanny (THAT I PAID FOR) due to his inability to be around kids. He cant stand kids. He cant stand my daughter. He hates kids. He has 'ptsd' and gets too stressed out so even when he was off work, even when it was financially difficult, and even when I was placed into immensely stressful situation, I had to leave her with a nanny or babysitter. So how in the fuck have I been a 'dependa' or a mooch??? He has disrespected me, our marriage, my child, and our son in every way shape and form. They also informed me that he has tried to claim that I have cheated on him numerous time (more lies, I have been completely faithful and loyal to him since the day we said I DO) and ever since we found out we were pregnant he has either pressured me to have an abortion, get a divorce, get an annulment, or tried to make me so upset to the point of almost miscarriage. Why?? Why do this to the woman you supposidly love??????? 
There is always an excuse as to why he cant communicate with me with this deployment but when he deployed last time in an actual war zone he had actually video messaged me multiple times. When I brought up the fact that other guys in his unit, whom are lower ranking and thereby cannot just pass off duties to other lower ranking people (and the fact Im not an idiot and know how much he actually works) he belittled his own friend and again tried to make me feel like I was terrible for missing him and wanting to talk to him and needing to hear from him that he actually misses me. 
He stated that he would go the full deployment without talking to me, even though our son is due in under two months. That he would rather defect than come home. 
I found on Valentines day, this 7 page letter he promised me months ago that he had thrown away, from his exgirlfriend, but instead has treasured it and kept it safe in OUR ROOM. It wasnt put up, it wasnt hidden away, or in any way a place that would be me snooping. Nope. I was literally just cleaning our room and it was there on the floor with clothes he had just worn, meaning he was just reading it again. So I burned it. 

These arent things that have just occured. These are all examples of his continued mental and emotional abuse that he has been putting me through since we moved here, NO actually its what hes been doing to me since we met and I fell so hard for him over 11 years ago. Why?? What have I done to deserve a man that would use my love for him against me like this?? He knows I love him to no end, that no matter what I would accept his apologies, that I would forgive over and over again. He knows that I accept him for him and I see the good in him even when he doesnt see it in himself but has that all just me being blinded by my love of him? He is a terrible man! He is mean hearted and cruel in so many ways and I have been so damn blind. But now Im married to him, I took vows to honor him, cherish him, for better for worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health. I vowed to stay true, loyal, faithful, and virtuous but did he actually mean any of his vows? Has he meant anything hes done for me or said to me? Or was I just a very easy target? 
I have literally been addicted to him, his essence, his everything for so long. I have given up opportunities, other relationships, other possibilities; all at the drop of a hat because he messaged me. He wanted me back and I was so in love with him thats all that mattered. The pain he put me through, the heart breaks, the lies over and over again, I just forgave and jumped right back in his arms. I took shame that I didnt even deserve. I accepted how little he thought of me and how low he placed me over and over again because I had him on such a high pedistal. I did alot of this to myself. 
Having stated all of that, Im not going anywhere. I put everything into this marriage, I have our son growing inside of me, and I wont let him dictate me any more. He has lost all the power he had over me because I see all of his bullshit now.