I wish I could say that things are better and in some ways they are because I finally got my tax return so, for the moment, I dont have to worry about being able to feed my daughter or keep myself healthy for Nicholi before he gets here. I have cleaning supplies finally so I can really keep my house clean. My animals are fed and will be fed for at least the next two months and that means that for the moment we are good. I dont have to sit here and stress or worry about that and most of all I dont have those bills hanging over me or being shoved in my face by my husband whom hasnt sent anything for support and even if he did would have made me feel like shit for having to rely on him.
I just keep sitting here and seeing all of the things that Ive been so blind to regarding him. Yesterday he messaged me to tell me all about some guy from his unit over there that got royally chewed out and laughed at by EVERYONE; all because the dude married a woman that not only had a kid but is currently pregnant with someone elses child, that he knew about when he married her. Obviously not the easiest situation in the world but who the fuck is he or anyone else to judge that mans family or his wife? He doesnt know what went into their decisions and neither does his command. And, in todays world, a blended family is not something to be ashamed of nor is it anything out to the ordinary. It happens. His views on men in particular are idiots for marrying or wanting to be with women whom already have children are so heartbreaking. Like this is how he also views our relationship. He thinks of himself as an idiot because I have a child thats not biologically his and he refuses to "invest" anything in her because shes not his biologically. BUT umm he was the one that told me that her and I are a pair and if he wanted me then that meant stepping up for her too. That doesnt mean that he can pick and choose when he wants to step up or when he wants to claim her. It is a bond that should be respected and he should never just dismiss her. She has it hard enough because her biological father is not in her life and is quite frankly a real piece of shit. He promises to call and misses the calls, he pitches a fit about seeing her but cant even send a birthday card or christmas present literally ever in her entire life. He doesnt send child support, refuses to infact. He is a sperm donor by any definition and my husband is the only father figure she has ever known, and hes turning out to be a real piece of work himself. I just do not want our son to get here and him treat my daughter like crap. I wont stand for it. I wont accept it. I wont let it happen. Period. With how he spoke yesterday, that fear keeps growing wilder and wilder inside of me. And, this is all an "if" he even really steps up for his son.
Today, he posted online how hes "surprised" by these females now a days and that a woman cant be an independent woman if shes living in "some niggas" house, hes paying bills, and hes the one taking care of the car, but that being said good job to the mf's that truly are holding shit down. See, and I cant go on there and point out his bullshit or he can come back at me on social media and point out how he didnt name names, and he wasnt talking about me and try to turn the shit on me like Im the one in the wrong. That being said, I am not the one in the wrong. On my last post I pointed out what bills hes truly paid and that this isnt his house its military housing and he wouldnt even have this if he wasnt married to me...so what in the absolute fuck is he talking about? Also, congradulations! Men are suppose to keep the car running! Granted if I had to I could go out there and figure the shit out but Im almost 8 months pregnant! Not suppose to be up underneath a car with this big baby bump! Also, Im the one about to dish out a shit ton of money on repairs hes supposidly already did on the truck, new tire, brakes, and everything so again.....what in the absolute fuck? At the bottom of all of this unnecessary, bullshit drama, I have to also ask what females, if he is not refering to his wife, is he talking about? We already know that, and he shared on facebook, he has this KIK account. Why if he is so busy with work does he need a KIK? Isnt that an app for like secretive messages? Youre married! Married men dont have KIK accounts!
IT IS LITERALLY the Same SHIT Different Day! Deployment doesnt mean that you can just do whatever the fuck you want! It doesnt mean your family is put on the back burner and forgotten. It doesnt mean you can disrespect your wife, step daughter, and son! It is hard and shit gets rocky but that is no excuse to be such an asshole. And when he gets back or even before then hes going to try and say that I havent been faithful or some shit; try to push off his own regret and anger onto me like Ive done something wrong. Well guess what?!?! I am one hell of a woman and I will not break my vows for no man! Regardless of his actions I am not a piece of shit! I sent him his damn care package, cost me $233 bucks to send his precious gear and xbox that he desperatley needed or he would get into so much trouble cause he didnt have it. He hasnt offered to pay me back for it. I knew he wouldnt. I knew I was being an idiot for sending it regardless of how shitty he has been since he left. But that is the difference between him and I. I will do what is right for my family no matter what.
It hurts to not be blind anymore, but this pain is giving me alot of strength. It feels good to be strong again.
No comments:
Post a Comment