You get what you wish for

Be careful what you wish for; there is always a catch and a burden to bare. Nothing is free. Nothing is fare. I've been sitting here broken hearted and begging God to tell me what I've done wrong to deserve a husband that truly hates me. For months I've been writing on here and in my journal about how much I hated myself for any and everything because there had to be something wrong with me for him to dislike this marriage so much. There is NOTHING wrong with me! He's been playing me like a fiddle since the beginning. He knew my love for him would keep me blind. That my thirst to keep him happy would over shadow his own actions. Well, I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm back to my real self and I'm not blind. I wished for him, I wished for us, I begged and prayed to be his and only his but I should have been careful because he was never mine. He never begged or prayed for me. He didn't and doesn't want this family. This beautiful family that has just grown and is so amazing.  No he would rather fuck around on dating websites like pof, badoo, and the most hilarious transpassions.com. I'll admit that was somewhat a shock. What broke my heart was reading his profile made very recently stating he's never been married and has no kids. Deny me; ok. Deny your son?? You are fucking pathetic. Do a DNA test bitch! He's your blood! Grow the fuck up! Get over yourself! I have. You ain't shit. You do the bare minimum to get by with your responsibilities and then put down those around you like your God's gift to me. I thought you were for the longest time. I was your ride or die and I'm just your passing by. That's why you've been trying for the whole year we've been married to get out of it. What was the point? Seriously??? What was the point in all of this? ? I was leaving you alone. We were done. I was even getting close to moving on. But then you messaged me. You strolled back into my life and took it over again. I'm the idiot for that. I thought things would be different because you finally stood up and did something so real. You made me your wife but why?? To break me in the end??? And the worst part, it's not just my life you've taken over and manipulated. Now the kids are involved. Now I have to explain to my daughter why her step dad disappeared. I will have to explain to my son why his father is a coward and why our family is separated.  You've destroyed so much! And you were concerned about me, why? I haven't done you dirty! I haven't broken your trust! I haven't bold face lied to you! I haven't been unfaithful! I haven't waivered in my love or devotion! But, go on. Choose a website chick with a dick to warm your bed, give you herpes, and lose a good woman and a great family because of your pathetic fear.