To say the least I had a great day. Woke up early, cleaned the house (and majority kicked ass at it), did something daring with my hair, and was named captain of a volley ball team that just formed. I also sold some stuff so I was able to put gas in the truck and buy somethings needed before I get my paycheck on friday but all of that gets over shadowed by stupid misconception. My husband gets home and I've had 2 of my girl friends over today. Apparently my daughter said I had 'the guys over' and he took that literal as I've had men over to the house WHICH I HAVE NOT NOR WOULD I! But that doesn't matter. He doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust anyone, and I'm just like all the other cheating, lying, and bullshit dependa wives around?!?!? This is bullshit!! I haven't done anything. I haven't had anyone over to the house and even when I offer up my phone and Facebook as proof of what actually happened today and that my daughter just used a poor choice of words and that it's completely understandable seeing that she is 5!?! Nope. He doesn't want it and I'd currently sleeping on the couch instead of in our bed and wouldn't even kiss me good night. I'm not going to lie, things have been tough since we moved and there has been some tension between us but I really thought things were getting better. Now I'm sitting on the floor in my room, staring at my turtle tank trying not to cry and failing miserably. Every other day I expect it to be like just before we got married and him decide he doesn't want me anymore. Everyday I'm waiting for him to throw me away like garbage again praying that he won't and trying my damndest to help make things better, keep the house beautiful, keep everyone happy, and try at much as possible to take the stress off of him because he has enough and I live him so much I don't want it all on him. And, everyday it seems like I fail or in a brief moment I don't and then I'm shot down the next because some other dude got cheated on in his unit or stupid shit like this happens and now every bit of work we have done to grow our relationship is just shit again. I just want to curl up in a ball and bawl. Not just cry but bawl my damn eyes out. When is he going to leave me? When can I feel comfortable and secure? When will I be what he wants and know I'm not just one wrong word away from divorce papers? All I want is him. All I've ever wanted is him!
No comments:
Post a Comment