Have you ever suffered from post partum depression i.e. the baby blues?
Its not always like what is shown in the movies and it doesnt always get crazy to the point that you have to be hospitalized. Nope, sometimes its sutle but can really kick you in the butt.
I take pride in the fact that I am very in tune with my body and try to make sure that it stays that way because I have had alot of close calls. I am allergic to so much shit! It is crazy!
But, I also make it a big part to consistently monitor myself for my own mental health. When I was much younger I had a stint where nothing made sense and I was just sad and angry about everything. I couldnt understand it but I did hate myself and my life which made no sense. I know now that I was depressed and it was probably a hormonal unbalanced issue. Which is ok. That happens to alot of teens! Especially teens like myself whom were "late bloomers". I thankfully didnt have to medicate or anything to get myself right. I just went to counseling once a week, worked out ALOT (weightlifting saved my life), and I forced myself out of my own bubble to try new things. It worked! I was much happier, healthier, and everything started to even out.
Now, I am not a medical professional and by all means if you feel yourself slipping or are really considering harming yourself, STOP! GET HELP! No one will judge you! You are worth more! Your life is worth more! It is not a shameful thing to be on medication or to get help.
I know there is a huge stigma there and I will admit for the longest time I believed it as well. If I seek help then it will follow me around forever. That is not the case. There are new measures in place to keep people from being discriminated against just because they suffer a mental illness or had at one point.
Well, to get to the point of this post. I realized a few weeks ago that I was really starting to dip. Like I could feel myself losing interest in things that I love. I was getting behind on the house work and then just felt overwhelmed. I was starting to hate work and I love my work. I know that I need to work on myself and my physical fitness because I just had a baby but my energy was just dwindling every single day, even with coffee. I just wanted to nap. If the baby was sleeping I wanted to be sleeping. That is ok when the baby is a few weeks old but my baby is now 5 months. I know I have to get back into a better routine but everything just seemed overwhelming. Now, I pride myself on my very outgoing personality and my wonder woman ability to kick ass even in my most exhausted state. I wasnt feeling like any kind of a super hero and it finally hit me- PPD. I have been slowly suffering from PPD. I have confined myself in this house. I have lost interest in things I love. I have went ghost on my friends. I went ghost on everything.
PPD is no joke.
If you feel you are suffering from it, seek help. Speak to your doctor. Talk to a friend. Do something. I know that feels completely against your mindset at the moment and that is the point. Your mindset wants to kill you. Your mindset is a hormonal imbalance caused from just having a baby. It happens. It is normal! Breastfeeding helps in rebalancing your hormones but sometimes that isnt enough for everyone. For me because I am allergic to alot of medications I am trying the natural approach first, simply because I dont want to have an allergic reaction to medication that you have to be weaned off of. Ya know? So I am walking every day before work after my munchkin goes to school, I am forcing myself to be more socially active, I am switching to herbal tea for my caffeine, I switched to almond milk because it is said that a handful of almonds has the same reaction in your brain as taking a prozac, and I am being more mindful of the food that I am putting in my body.
That is what I call controlling when I go ghost. I dont want to go ghost. I dont want to let this consume me. I am a warrior! I am a good mom. I am a loyal and good friend. I am ambition and determined! I am a great and loving wife! I will not let this consume me!
As always thank you for reading!
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