Toddler induced Insomnia!

Good morning world! 

Can I still say good morning although I havent gone to bed yet?

I, honestly, tried to earlier but the toddler tornado that is my son decided he didnt want to sleep tonight. Did not take a nap today either! 

I truly believe that children just soak up all of your energy with a sponge and that is why we rely on so much coffee and/or energy drinks to survive. 

I am about to the point mentally, that is considered "SLAP HAPPY". Like, I need to slap myself to stay happy and awake. Not really but I am sure there is some poor parent out there that understands where I am coming from. 

When I was younger I never envisioned myself with children. Not saying it like it is a bad thing that I have them now, NO. I love my kiddos and feel truly blessed to be a mother. It was like I thought I knew what I wanted for my life but my life was like "hahaha you thought!" and it was right. I am the person I am today, because of the fact I became a mom. I grew up. I learned SO MUCH that I never would have, had I not become a mother. 

 So, in instances like today or should I say yesterday; when work kicked my butt, the house was and is a mess, the toddler tornado did not want to take any kind of a nap or go to be before midnight, and the baby nugget wanted the boob all day (even while working) because the poor dude is teething, I have to remind myself to take a deep breath. I may be worn out right now but I will blink and it will all just be a memory that I miss and wish I could go back to. 

Unless you are a reader from my old blog or know me personally, you wouldnt know that my father died when I was younger. And my condolences to all of you readers out there whom have had a parent or parents pass on. 

Growing up in a blended home has its own tricky dynamics as it is, but growing up in a blended home and then your father passing on (either by murder or just way to hard of partying-it will always be a mystery) you learn very early on how precious and short life is. Also, how quickly things can change in the blink of an eye. 

For a really long time, that honestly straight up messed with my head. I couldnt maintain good relationships, I did alot of stupid things that I knew I shouldnt have, and I took things for granted because everyone took me for granted. Maturing means that regardless of how someone else feels or someone elses behavior, you maintain your truth. You must keep your goals in sight, set up true and solid boundaries, and most importantly hold yourself accountable. I have noticed that this generation, this country right now has a real issue with holding themselves accountable for any of their actions or choices. It is always someone elses fault. 

I was the same way! For a very long time, I was the same way. 

It was someone elses fault that I was sad. It was someone elses fault that I couldnt cope. It was someone elses fault that I came from a blended home so I created my own blended home. It was someone elses fault that I was lazy, out of shape, not eating right, not living up to my potential, and letting my ambitiousness come off as cocky arrogance. 

I pushed people away. I put myself in those situations. I lost great jobs. I procrastinated. I ate that food and then didnt work out. I did it. 

And- 

I am the only one that can fix it. 

I have to fix me for my family to be strong. 

I have to hold myself accountable.
I have to be a better friend, a more loyal friend, and a more reliable person over all! 

When I started implementing that thought process into my daily life, you would think that is added stress but for me, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my chest. 

I mean hell, you can only truly stress about the things that you can control but if you are giving everyone and everything thing around you all of the control of your life and your circumstances- you will always be grasping for stress. You will always be trying to find things to stress about and to worry about, and it will drive you into a depression quickly. 

When you take control, you can face all that hurts you, and then truly enjoy this short and delicate life to its beautiful fulfillment. 

Well, that was an unexpected turn! 3 am insomnia writing at its finest! Get talking about one thing and then end up having a mental/emotional break through. God, I love writing. 

Feel free to comment, share, or message me <3 I love hearing from my readers!

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